Culturally, women are conditioned to be agreeable and cooperative. That, combined with those who feel the need to help a part of society, yields an abundance of women in nonprofit with a calling to serve in a congenial way.

While this is certainly good for society, it’s not always good for the agreeable – and often, non-confrontational – women, particularly when it comes to their careers.  Often, all the traits that make such women the ideal candidate to work in the nonprofit arena actually work against them when it comes time to lobby on their own behalf.  They frequently learn – too late – that they have been passed over for promotions, raises, or generally left out of conversations that they should have been consulted on.

It has become more important now than ever before, with such a competitive job market, that women speak up and speak out at every opportunity – whether currently employed, or actively job hunting – so that their voices and ideas are heard by management and others on a regular basis.

Bonnie* had discussed her current work situation, where she felt that the director had used the economy as an excuse to whittle down everyone’s position essentially to being his serfs.  Bit by bit over the last couple of years, he had made everyone feel that if they didn’t comply with his latest “cost cutting” idea, they might be next on the chopping block.  This included petty things, such as his removing the office refrigerator and microwave, to “save electricity.”  (Bonnie did notice that, although all of the women in the office now had to modify the types of lunches they brought to eat, the director still managed to treat himself to eating lunch out on a daily basis.)

When Bonnie decided to Forget It! we worked on finding her another position, but kept in mind the dynamics which led to the situation she ultimately found herself in.  She wanted to make certain to define what type of treatment she would – and would not – tolerate right from the beginning.  I explained to her that a great many parameters are set in the first few weeks of employment, when you make your first impression.  Her boss and the other employees would see what they could expect from her during this initial phase.

While it’s important to be eager to learn and get along with others, of course, you still don’t want to project yourself as a doormat, either.  If, for example, Bonnie had given the idea that she would be willing to do everyone’s filing (whether it was her job or not), all those on staff would immediately be thrilled to have her do it for them . . . and anything else they could delegate to her.

When Bonnie began her new position, she had difficulty getting her business cards printed in the first couple of weeks.  The position that usually handles the task was vacant, and the procedure in his absence was arduous.  She learned that the last person who went through the procedure not only waited a long time, but her cards weren’t right.

Bonnie decided this would be one way to define herself.  She took action and had her own cards printed and simply submitted the receipt afterward.  Her director was surprised at first, but then she explained why, and he signed the expense report.  Bonnie was pleased with her first step toward defining her new self as someone who wouldn’t sit around and wait for second best.

Caitlin* defines herself as a “very shy person,” but came to me for assistance, because she felt that she was “invisible” in her organization.   She wanted to work on her networking and socialization skills, but didn’t know where to begin.

“I don’t feel as though I can just barge in on the already established social groups at the office and ask to join them for lunch,” Caitlin says.  “They’ve been having lunch together for a couple of years now.  Nobody has ever invited me along.  It’s like they don’t see me, even though I’m right there.”

Since Caitlin didn’t feel comfortable encroaching upon what she already felt was “established territory,” I suggested we Fix It! by trying some new territory, and had her join a local chapter of her professional society.  Not only was it good to work on her skills with a new group of people, but, I explained, it’s always best to extend your professional group beyond your immediate workplace, anyway.

One excellent way for someone shy to mingle at professional functions is for them to volunteer to work the function, and Caitlin signed up to help at a few upcoming events.  This provides several benefits.  Not only did she get the lay of the land beforehand and feel more at ease, but if she ever felt awkward at any time while talking, she could always excuse herself, since she had “something to do,” because she was working the event.

In addition, the leaders of the professional society got to know Caitlin in an informal setting and became appreciative of her hard work.  I had given her advice on several talking points to make about herself, as well as targeted questions to ask of others when chatting at these events, and it was working well.

After Caitlin had worked at several of these events and was becoming more comfortable speaking with people she’d recently met, I had planned on having her apply these techniques back at her workplace, so she wouldn’t feel as isolated.  It turned out, though, that it became unnecessary.  Caitlin made several good contacts with her new networking friends, and one of them offered her a better job, which she accepted!

Now, Caitlin works in an atmosphere that is more inviting, and she no longer feels “invisible.”  She also makes a point to participate more actively, to ensure that she’s seen, too.

Do you have a Fix It or Forget It? story to share?  Send it to me, and it might help others.  Identifying features will be altered prior to publishing.

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Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.
—  Rita Mae Brown

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Ask anyone what is most important about a job, and they’ll say “salary,” but ask why they left their last position, and it’s rarely about money.  Most likely, it’s related to the work environment and what they could no longer tolerate.

This is why it is so essential to consider all aspects of a new position when interviewing, and give careful thought to the primary components required to make the job desirable . . . from your viewpoint.  What are seen as crucial benefits for some may be less vital or even insignificant to another, depending on their financial, geographical, family, health and other circumstances.

Greg* enjoyed his position with a large to mid-sized company, where he could specialize on something he was quite skilled at, and had gotten above average reviews in his time served so far.

When the economic downturn struck, his job was safe, but the company relocated to a new building, and Greg was moved from his office to one of many, many cubicles in a wide open space, along with dozens of other employees.  His title, duties and salary remained the same.

Greg found it hard to concentrate on getting his work done each day, and ended up either coming in early or staying very late – or both.  He hadn’t shared with his supervisor that he had ADHD, and all of the activity, noise, etc., made it incredibly difficult for him to focus and accomplish his work.  He didn’t even tell her that he took medication.

When he contacted me, I did mention to him that his condition was legally protected, and that he should be able to request reasonable accommodations, which may even get him an office back, considering his good track record before, and excellent reviews.

Greg seemed doubtful of this.  Apparently, there had been a previous employee who had a different condition and requested other accommodations a couple of years ago.  Greg witnessed his boss begrudgingly comply . . . and make snide comments about him at nearly every opportunity.  Although Greg didn’t feel that this person was the best employee at the company, he felt certain that his supervisor attributed a great deal more fault to him than he deserved, due to the special accommodations requested.

Greg finally decided to Forget It! and although he preferred to work more in his niche that he was most skilled at, he ended up interviewing more at smaller companies that tended to have an office assigned to the positions he was applying for, rather than a cubicle.  He made a point to include in his interview questions, “Can I have a tour of the building?” which is less overbearing than “I’d like to see my workspace,” yet accomplishes the same goal.

This did mean that Greg had to end up working on a variety of assignments, instead of his favorite all of the time, but he found he was better able to focus on all of them when he could have more control over his own workspace, so the tradeoff was worth it to him.

Hilda* found herself in the opposite position, ironically.  She had left her job with an organization where very nearly everyone worked in cubicles in an open space, except the Director and Assistant Director.  Her previous company had a cafeteria, and everyone worked together and ate together and there was quite a bit of socializing all day long.

Hilda was glad to have gotten a promotion to this new company, but the management style – and building structure and location – was different.  She now had her own office, and it was at the end of a hallway.  Hilda is a shy person, and not the type to approach people if they don’t speak to her first.

There was no cafeteria in the building, so people either brought their lunch or grouped in cars and went out together.  Hilda was too shy to invite someone, and since she was at the end of the hall, others didn’t see her or think to invite her along.  She was beginning to miss her cubicle, and feeling very isolated.

I worked with Hilda on several simpler things she could do to inject herself more into the fray, such as adding some personal conversation into the work-related interactions that she was already having with various staff members, so that they would see her as a social being as well.

In addition to visiting people in person at least once a day, instead of always using email or the phone, I suggested that Hilda try to arrive at all staff meetings 5 – 10 minutes early, because a good deal of important networking often takes place among people who chit chat prior to such gatherings.

Another suggestion I made was for Hilda to offer a very compelling reason for people to make the trip down the hall to stop by her office and visit: a candy bowl.  Although a couple of people in her office would occasionally put out candy on their desk during some holidays such as Halloween, Valentine’s Day or Easter, I suggested that she keep one out that was permanently stocked with very popular candies – of better quality than anyone else’s.  This would automatically declare, in a very subtle form, that Hilda’s office is the place to go for an afternoon snack.

Of course, Hilda would have to work on her conversational skills as well; otherwise, people would simply take a candy and leave.

Hilda took my advice, and several weeks later, was happy to report that this Fix It! had worked out wonderfully!  She now had people to eat lunch with and didn’t feel nearly as isolated as when she started the job.  Different people stopped by to speak with her on a daily basis, and a couple of months later, she was also socializing with some of them after work hours at times, too.

In both cases, Greg and Hilda weren’t unhappy with their actual duties, which they each performed quite well, but the circumstances of their work environments led them to consider leaving their jobs  – and neither of them felt comfortable bringing up the specifics with their supervisors.

Do you have a Fix It or Forget It? story to share?  Send it to me, and it might help others.  Identifying features will be altered prior to publishing.

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Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.
—  Rita Mae Brown

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